Laura

CBT, compassion, mental health, Mindfulness, psychology, wellbeing, wellness

Are you putting too much pressure on yourself? The unhelpfulness of ‘I should’ and ‘I must’ expectations

Posted on Sep 23, 2019 by Laura

As part of my compassion group learning over the last few weeks, we’ve been looking unhelpful and more helpful thinking styles. I’ve previously talked about the psychology of using the term ‘I can’t’ (click here to read this post) when we really mean we find something difficult. In today’s wellbeing post, I’m going to focus on the pressure we put on ourselves using terms such as ‘I should’ and ‘I must’.

At the beginning of the year, I went through a really difficult patch with my mental health. I was suffering from debilitating anxiety and everything was a constant struggle. I was having panic attacks and my mood was very low. I spent a lot of time worrying that I wasn’t going to get better and found it extremely difficult to motivate myself to do anything but cry. I’m pleased to report that I’m now feeling much better and life is good. However, my improved mood and elevated motivation levels did start to cause a few issues with my self talk and my thinking and it is this which today’s post focuses on.

As soon as I started to feel better, I totally went into what is known as ‘drive mode’ and felt like I needed to make up for lost time by doing it all and not stopping. I had finally found the joy in achieving things in my day and my head was full of ideas and thoughts. I was writing huge to do lists and spent my time flitting from activity to activity in a frenzied way from when I got up at 6.00am to when I went to bed at 10pm. My head was filled with talk such as ‘I need to…’, ‘I have to…’ ‘I should…’ and all of the other terms associated with the intense desire to be productive and get a buzz from it.

The therapists in our compassion group helped us to see, however, that constantly being in drive mode and making these unrealistic assumptions of how to live can be really unhelpful. Terms such as I need to, I must, I have to and I should, put undue pressure on ourselves to perform and create expectations of ourselves that are very difficult to keep up with.

The effects of using these rigid terms have been studied by a number of psychologists and was a key part of the work of Albert Ellis. He coined the term ‘musterbation’ which has certainly stuck in my mind since reading about it online! The following quote I found online sums up the effects nicely:

“Musterbation” is a term coined by famed psychologist Albert Ellis to describe the phenomenon whereby people live by a set of absolute and unrealistic demands that they place on themselves, others and the world. For most of us, these rules come out in a series of should statements that we repeat to ourselves over and over again. These “should” and “shouldn’t” statements leave us feeling bad about ourselves because they set up standards that we cannot realistically meet. They also leave us feeling frustrated and hurt by others when they inevitably fail to fulfill our expectations. Recognizing this habit to set rules for yourself, others and the world gives you the opportunity to relieve some of the stress these messages cause. When dealing with “should” statements, it is important to keep in mind that while it may be nice to reach your goals and be treated the way you want all the time, we are human and live in an imperfect world. Therefore, the pressure to be anything all the time is more likely to cause harm than good.
Rowan Center BLOG, 2015.

If you would like to read more of their interesting article click here.

I’m now much more aware of when I’m using these terms (I haven’t stopped using them and I’m very much conditioned to their use, I’m just more mindful of when I do) and I try to reframe my thinking to be more helpful. This is taking time, but I do think it’s a really important step in increasing my good mental health. I’ve also noticed that my husband is fond of saying ‘I’ve got to…’ ‘I need to…’ and the like and so we laugh about it and then help each other to create more compassionate thoughts and beliefs too. Here are some examples and how I’ve re-articulated things:

~~I need to get rid of all of the weeds in the garden this week~~ >>>> it would be great if I found some time this week to do a little bit of weeding as it would make the garden look a little nicer
~~I must take new and improved photographs of my products today~~ >>>> If the lighting is okay today, I might take a few new photos of a couple of my products and upload them to Etsy
~~I really should get all of that washing done whilst the weather is okay~~ >>>> it would be good if I did some washing this week as the basket is getting pretty full. I might do a load tomorrow and hang it out in the sunshine

You’ll notice that I’ve been more gentle and kind with my expectations too as another way of putting less pressure on myself. This is a big part of being more self compassionate which is what our wonderful therapy group is all about.

I hope you’ve found this blog post interesting and helpful. Maybe it’s made you think about the expectations you set and how you might re-frame your thoughts. Perhaps over the next week, you might notice yourself using ‘I must…’, ‘I need to…’ and ‘I should…’ a lot and you might try to be more mindful of what you say or think. It would be great if you let me know in the comments, but remember, you don’t ‘need to’ or ‘have to’, you just might like to or want to!

Much love and kindness.

art, creativity

Ceramics for beginners: making a plant pot base

Posted on Sep 20, 2019Sep 20, 2019 by Laura

The finished pot, ready to be air dried and then fired in the kiln in about one week’s time

At the beginning of the month, I started a ceramics for beginners class. Working with clay is something I’ve been wanting to try for a while and I was so excited to find a fully funded course where I could develop the basic skills, have fun working on some exciting projects and meet some lovely people who enjoy getting creative.

Following on from week one which was our enrolment, paperwork and getting to know you session, we spent the second session learning the skills involved in creating a pinch pot, making spirals and using a press to form tiles. This week, we actually got to make a finished product that we could put in the kiln and then glaze. I decided to try my hand at making a small plant pot to put a potted succulent inside.

In order to make a nice and even pot, I decided to create a circular base and build up coils around the circumference. The previous week we’d learnt the score and slip technique which is used to join pieces of clay together. Click here to see a great tutorial I found online which shows this technique in action to make a simple clay pot.

The photograph below shows the circular piece which I created with a pastry cutter and the first rolled length of clay for the sides. After making these pieces, I then score lines around the edge of the base and along the thin roll of clay for my first layer. After the scoring, you dip your clay covered fingers in water and wet both pieces. The two pieces of clay are then pushed together. This creates a good join.

Scoring lines made using a plastic modelling tool

After making and adding each coil of clay, I blended them in to the base using my fingers to create smooth sides. This took me a long time but I was determined to get a good looking pot by the end of the three hour lesson!

Two coils of clay smoothed into the base to build up the sides

By the time I’d made four thin sausages of clay of the same width, scored and slipped each and blended them, I’d had enough of that technique and decided it was time to have some fun with adding texture. used a jewelled strip, wrapped it around gently pressed it in. I repeated this several times until I was happy with the effect.

*Attaching a jewelled strip* around the outside

Finally, I created further texture around rim of the pot using a piece of metal dowel to make small dimples and added a trio of little feet (which I made prior to constructing the pot) to the design.

With added texture and some small feet added using the score and slip technique

And here’s my finished pot, ready to be left to air dry before going in the kiln. I’m quite pleased with the results as it’s the first pot I’ve ever made. I’m looking forward to glazing it in a few week’s time and just need to decide on a colour.

Have you ever had a go at making anything with clay? If so, what did you make and did you enjoy it? I found it to be a wonderful and relaxing experience. I only used half of the clay that I was given for the session so the tutor wrapped some up in cling film for me to use at home. I’ve just ordered some modelling tools and I have plenty mark making craft materials in my stash to experiment with.

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading about my ceramic pot making experiences. Watch this space to see how it looks when it’s been glazed and re-fired. Hopefully I’ll be able to find the perfect potted succulent that fits inside.

Planning and journaling

Journalling about nature

Posted on Sep 16, 2019Sep 16, 2019 by Laura

Last week, I went on a short walk in my local park and spent some time looking at all of the different trees. I wanted to find some pines as my husband would like some pine cones for a project he’s currently working on – a DIY bug hotel for our garden!

I found a huge cone but it was much too big so I left it behind and will return to the park another time in search of smaller ones. There were plenty on the trees but I couldn’t find any wind fallen pine cones of the size required.

This morning, I documented my walk and my learning about pine cones and bug hotels in my Webster’s Traveler’s notebook insert and though you might like to see my finished pages.

Remembering my walk with a little journalling to go with a photo of my pine cone find!

Some information collected from The Woodland Trust blog on their website

Some bug hotel images found online plus ideas for what to add to our bug hotel

I hope you enjoyed seeing my journaling pages. You can find plenty of bug hotel inspiration online if it’s something you would like to have a go at making. Watch this space to see my husband’s creation when it’s finished!

Bye for now,

Laura x

art, creativity, life hacks, Planning and journaling, stain removal, stationery, stationery supplies

Stationery mishaps – pen stain removal

Posted on Sep 6, 2019Sep 6, 2019 by Laura

Hi guys. Hope you’re all well. This may seem like a bit of a random post from me but the idea for it came to me yesterday after I had a bit of a stationery mishap. Basically, I attended my first class of beginner’s ceramics which I recently signed up for and after finishing the vast amount of paperwork required for the course funding, I accidentally drew a great big line of black ballpoint pen across the left boob area of my light mint green top! I let out a shriek of horror as I know that this kind of pen has a tendency to stain.

When I returned home, I got to work Googling stain removal solutions and I’m excited to report that the pen is now gone and my top is saved. So, I thought, why not do a blog post for the rest of you stationery addicts out there who may, in the future, need a little support with getting pen out of your best clothes.

Please note however, that these are ideas collected from the internet and that I can’t accept responsibility if they don’t work or if they cause further damage to your garments. My aim here is to share what’s worked for others in the hope that you might be able to rescue your much loved items in a similar way.

Ballpoint pen

Stains made with this popular and usually cheap pen can be very difficult to remove. That’s why it’s best to tackle the offending mark as soon as possible. Start by determining the pen type as not all of those which have a ball contain the same type of ink. Traditional ballpoints like Bic and Papermate Flexgrip, use a fast drying oil-based ink which needs to be removed using some kind of solvent. Water-based inks, such as a Pentel roller ball, are fairly easy to remove. Whereas, gel pens are highly pigmented and, again tend to be pretty hard to get out of clothes and furnishings.

The most fabric friendly way to remove oil based ink, is using an alcohol based product. You can often find many of these in your home such as aerosol hairspray, rubbing alcohol, hand sanitiser or wipes. I used a little bottle of Body Shop hand gel which I keep in my handbag. Place the garment over an absorbent material such as a clean cloth, a number of paper towels or white napkins. Thoroughly saturate the area with the pen stain, wait around 5 minutes (probably panic about your precious garment if you’re anything like me) and then use a clean, dry cloth to blot out the stain (I used more paper towels here as this was all I had available to me). Repeat with more solvent and further areas of cloth if necessary. Wash the area with detergent or if you can see the stain has completely gone already, you can just launder as normal.

For water-based pens, if you tackle the mark straightaway, you can simply use soap and warm water to get the stain out with a gentle rub. If, however, the stain has been on the item for longer, and has set. You can use an old toothbrush to add a little friction to rub the stain out. I think this one would be useful on more hardwearing fabrics such as denim jeans.

Gel ink, according to manufacturers, if almost impossible to remove, but the best way to have a go at getting it out, is using normal detergent, stain removing gel (e.g. Vanish) or liquid hand soap. Add a small amount and rub the stain directly, rinsing with running water. Then try to blot out the rest of the ink between two piles of paper towels, white napkins or several clean clothes.

Felt tips and markers

Like the ballpoint pens, it’s important to establish what kind of ink you’re working with. If they’re washable, then the stain should come out with a standard wash but more highly pigmented and marker pens might benefit from the same alcohol based treatment which can be used for ballpoints. If the pen states that it contains permanent ink, the stain will be very difficult to get out but, according to a leading detergent specialist, it’s not completely impossible.

The trick is to treat permanent marker stains with products that can break down the oils and alcohols in the ink, exposing the colourants, and allowing you to treat the discolouration in much the same way you would any other stain – through washing! Alcohol is a solvent and is very effective and efficient at breaking down oils and other alcohols found in marker pens.
Persil.com/uk (for further info and a step by step click here)

Highlighter pens

According to my perusal of the Internet, you can try one of three methods. The first two involve using alcohol such as hand sanitiser or hairspray and the third involves using cows milk. As I’m aspiring to be vegan one day, I’ve transitioned to plant based milk and so I have no idea if this works and don’t have such stuff in my fridge but I’ve seen a variety of sites which recommend it. Apparently, you dip the stain in a bowl of the stuff and rub gently with your fingers, then rinse with plain water. Repeat if you still see a stain and then wash as normal. If anyone knows why milk works and if plant based does the job too I would love to hear from you in the comments as I’m a regular user or highlighters such as mildliners and often get covered in them with being a leftie!

Well, I think I’ve covered the main types of pen here but feel free to make further suggestions in the comments of other tricky pens or methods you’ve tried which have worked (or sob about the ones which didn’t!). Hope this post helps you and if not I’m really sorry! Remember, I can’t take responsibility if your favourite garment is wrecked I’m afraid.

Bye for now, Laura (a self confessed stationery addict) xx

mental health, Mindfulness, Planning and journaling, wellbeing, wellness

Why I’m avoiding Pinterest this month and what I’m doing instead

Posted on Sep 4, 2019Jul 14, 2020 by Laura

I love Pinterest and find it a great source of inspiration and advice for my professional and personal life. I spend huge amounts of time pinning ideas to boards, organising my collections of pins and generally poring over infographics and beautiful images. However, with attractive images and information, for me, comes a huge desire for continual self improvement and feeling like I need to have it all. And this is the bit that I struggle with and ultimately why I’m taking time out from pinning and Pinterest this month.

Self improvement, in a nutshell, is the process of making yourself a better and more knowledgeable person. It’s something I spend a lot of time thinking about and planning for. But, one of the big problems for me is, that I end up with information overload from social media and find so many ways to ‘grow’ myself that I lose sight of what I actually want right now and become unhealthily obsessed with making massive changes and improvements.

What I really need to do, is simplify and think about my current goals and the small steps I might take in order to go about achieving them. But with Pinterest, and other social media platforms if I’m honest, I see stunning images and tempting ideas and basically, I want it all. A minimalist and clutter free home which is welcoming to anyone and always tidy. A stunning garden without a single weed or patch of unraked soil. Beautiful brush lettering that just flows naturally from my hand. A neat and ordered bullet journal with no mistakes or Tippex on the pages. A blog and a handmade business that everyone’s reading and talking about. Perfect, glossy hair that has that ‘just been to the hairdressers’ bounce. Skilfully applied ‘flawless’ make up. The list goes on, and on, and on.

So, for this month, I’m taking a step back. I’m reassessing my goals and thinking carefully about how I’m going to work towards achieving them. And for this, the only resources I need, are my vision board that I created back in January (which you can see here if you haven’t seen it already), my inspirational brand image board for my business (click here if you want to see) and a couple of goal related collections I made in my BuJo. By looking daily at my vision for this year and analysing what I actually want right now from my life, I hopefully won’t be distracted by all of the other stuff. This should help increase my productivity and in turn my achievements instead of creating total overwhelm and the feeling of personal dissatisfaction that often comes with creating an unachievable ideal.

I’m not going to totally avoid social media this month as I do like to know what’s going on in the world but I’m hoping my efforts to curb my tech time will help in some way. By writing my intention here to you all, I’m also hoping that my plan sticks and that I benefit from it, even if it’s just in some small way.

Have you ever given yourself some much needed time away from social media? How did it work for you. Let me know in the comments and wish me luck!

Bye for now, Laura xx