Category: psychology

Posted in life hacks, psychology, relationships

Monday Matters: A beginners guide to ‘pebbling’ to strengthen your relationships

Posted on by Laura

Up until an hour ago (well as I write this anyway), I had never even heard of the term ‘pebbling’, which, according to an online article, is a very commonly used social media hashtag and a popular practice among us all (I must live under a rock which has no WiFi!). Despite this, as I perused the online article, I realised that I’ve engaged in pebbling with colleagues, friends, family and my husband many times, without knowing there was an actual name for it. If you’re unfamiliar with pebbling or the associated hashtag which is (apparently) currently flooding TikTok along with other social media platforms, or if you’d like to know more, I encourage you to read on…

The word pebbling was, in fact, originally used to described a romantic gesture that has been happening for decades, amongst gentoo penguins. During the breeding season, as part of their courtship ritual, male penguins carefully select and present a perfectly shiny and beautiful pebble to their prospective mate as a sign of their worthiness as a love interest and suitability to lifetime commitment (gentoos are usually monogamous). If the female is impressed by the aforementioned, she will place the gifted item as the foundation stone of her nest. Then, in return, she will present her own carefully chosen, smooth and highly polished specimen to her mate as a form of non-verbal communication.

Photo from a selection of free images on Unsplash curated by Derek Oyen

Now, I’m not about to suggest that you head off to the beach in a bid to find your own perfect little stone to woo potential partners with, but you can certainly apply the principles of pebbling by offering a small, inexpensive (or free) gift to demonstrate your feelings towards someone or to simply show them that you care, whether that’s as a family member, a friend, a colleague or as evidence that you like or admire them. I’ve written before on my blog about love languages with one of them being focused on receiving gifts, but, to be honest, I can’t think of anyone who wouldn’t appreciate a little, thoughtful something-or-other from someone else (as long as they consent to it or it would be considered a nice surprise anyway!).

The thing with the gentoo penguins and their pebble giving is that there’s no financial cost, and the emphasis is wholly on spending quality time carefully selecting something that they feel that the recipient would really appreciate. And this act of ‘pebbling’ can be applied to human gift giving as well – including the non-verbal element if you so wish. Think inexpensive or free items that will bring a little spark of joy to both the giver and the receiver, and you can’t go wrong.

So, what kind of things could you give as a token gift?

What you choose will completely depend on your chosen recipient but, here’s some ideas for you to consider:

  • A virtual gift with a ‘saw this and thought of you’ message attached e.g. their favourite pet or animal doing something amusing, a meme that just says it all or says it better than you possibly could (pebbling is very popular with neuro-divergent individuals who may struggle to say something heartfelt or thoughtful in words).
  • A link to an article you’ve read online (or a newspaper / magazine cutting) that you think would interest them or is on a topic which you think they would love to learn more about.
  • Some flowers picked from your garden which you think would cheer them up or make their day.
  • A photograph of you and a friend that you found from a while back as you were scrolling through your Google albums on your phone. This could be forwarded somehow, shared on social media e.g. their ‘wall’ on Facebook or printed and delivered in some way.
  • A pretty greetings card in which you let the person know that you are thinking about them or really appreciate them
  • Something to represent an ‘inside joke’ that you reckon would bring a smile or make someone giggle
  • A multipack of chocolate or sweets that you share with a couple of your closest colleagues.
  • Pass on a book (or a personal recommendation of one) that you’ve read and think they would enjoy too.
  • Pop out to your local bakery on a Sunday morning to get pastries for a leisurely breakfast with your partner, flat mate or kids
  • Buy a subject specific magazine for your significant other e.g. computing, gardening, crafting, wildlife etc
  • Pick up a little personalised item for them e.g. pen, pencil, keyring etc e.g. from a garden centre or gift shop (or, if you have a Cricut machine, add their name to an inexpensive plain or patterned notebook)
  • Bake some biscuits or cupcakes and bring them to the office to share with your colleagues (sometimes the recipient might be more than one person)
  • Buy a small box of individually wrapped chocolates (e.g. Cadburys Heroes, Celebrations, Roses or Quality Street) and let everyone you work closely with choose their favourite to enjoy with a coffee at breaktime.
  • Visit your local pet store to find a treat for your pet or pets – who says that penguins should be the only non-human animal to perform loving acts! Or, if you don’t have your own pet, why not pick up a treat to give to someone you like who does have their own cherished animal (thanks to my husband’s ex work colleague who provided the inspiration for this one – Aggie the hamster was very grateful for the cupcake shaped biscuits!)
Aggie in her digging tower where her treat was hidden!

Final words…

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading today’s post and it’s given you a good overview of the origins of ‘pebbling’ and examples of different small gifts you can give to show affection or care. I’m sure most of us have engaged in the act pebbling many times in the past and I would love to hear some of your favourites in the comments.

Happy pebbling!

Posted in mental health, Mindfulness, mindset, psychology, self care, wellbeing, wellness

Monday Matters: 8 ways to instantly boost your mood

Posted on by Laura

Sometimes, no matter how positive you feel when you wake up, particular events, issues, frustrations and even certain people’s attitudes can put a dampener on things and leave you feeling deflated. You probably wish you hadn’t let these parts of your day affect you as much as they have but it’s a natural part of life to experience ups and downs. When low mood strikes, there are a number of ways in which you can help yourself to feel better. Today, I’m sharing 8 tried and tested ideas which I’ve found helpful and I promise none of them include eating a gigantic bar of chocolate or any other highly calorific item!

Get out in nature

If you’ve been following my blog for a while, you’ll know that I’m a big fan of getting out in nature, whether that’s spending some time in my garden, heading to my local woodland park or even going to the beach to walk on the sand or paddle in the sea. It doesn’t have to be for long – just a few minutes of fresh air can make the world of difference to how you feel.

Listen to some upbeat tunes (even better, dance and sing too)

I first wrote about the benefits of listening to music back in 2021 and, as part of the post, I shared a page I’d created in my bullet journal with a mood boosting playlist. Musical taste is incredibly personal but choosing some upbeat songs to boogie, sing and listen along to can put you in a much better frame of mind. Here’s some ideas for uplifting tracks to find on YouTube, Apple Music or whatever happens to be your favourite resource to listen to through headphones or to blast out through your speakers (if it won’t disturb anyone):

  • Can’t Stop The Feeling By Justin Timberlake
  • I Got a Feeling By The Black Eyed Peas
  • Happy By Pharrell Williams
  • 22 By Taylor Swift
  • Walking On Sunshine By Katrina & The Waves
  • Song 2 By Blur
  • Love Shack By B-52s
  • Roar By Katy Perry
  • Sweet Child O’ Mine by Guns N’ Roses
  • Good Feelin’ By Flo Rida
  • Watermelon Sugar By Harry Styles
  • Dance Monkey By Tones And I
  • Groove Is In The Heart By Deee-lite
  • Blinding Lights By The Weeknd
  • Havana By Camila Cabello Feat. Young Thug

Whatever your favourite style of music, jot down an uplifting songs list or create a track list on your device and keep it in a memorable location (either on paper or digitally) to refer to when you need it.

Get moving

On the subject of moving our body, as an alternative to dancing along to your favourite tracks, you could also explore other forms of exercise in a bid to boost your mood. Any type of physical activity that raises your heart rate has been shown to release endorphins in the body. These hormones and neurotransmitters, which have been described as ‘a natural high’, will have you feeling better in minutes. Here’s some fun / invigorating summer time activities to try:

  • Spend some time in your garden pulling weeds, breaking up compacted soil in your borders, cutting your lawn, deadheading faded blooms, pruning bushes and shrubs, checking for hidden pests and watering thirst plants with a heavy watering can.
  • Get your bike out of the garage, dust it off and head to a trail of your choice. I like to go to the coast as it’s a straight stretch of cycle path which is wide enough for if I get the wobbles but if you search ‘easy bike rides near me’ you can explore different options available to you in your locality.
  • Play a game or do a physical activity that you used to enjoy as a kid – frisbee, bouncing a ball off a wall / bat / the ground,
  • Clean and or tidy your desk / room / house, then sit back and enjoy the feeling that comes with a neat and dust free space.
  • Take a brisk walk around the block and see if you can notice anything new or different – maybe someone in your immediate area has painted their fence, changed their car, got a new pet, weeded their driveway etc. Maybe the council has added a new sign, planted some young trees or mown the grass in another street. If you can’t see anything that’s changed, maybe you could think of some changes you would like to make if you were in charge!

Soak up some sunshine

Sunlight is a natural source of Vitamin D which has been scientifically proven to regulate your mood. If it’s a nice day, get your sunglasses and some sun protection on and feel the warmth on your skin. I like to sit on our bench or one of our patio chairs in the garden and close my eyes for some mindful listening to accompany the experience. This is a great way to get into a meditative state as it gives you something to focus on and minimises the change of your mind wandering towards the major or minor irritations I mentioned previously. In the summer, there’s generally lots of daytime sounds whether it’s someone mowing the lawn, children laughing, birds tweeting or even distant traffic noises.

What a video of something cute or funny

Open up YouTube on your phone or computer and search for cute or funny videos of, plus the name of your favourite pet or animal. Anyone who’s been following my blog for a while is likely to know my animal of choice is a Syrian hamster, but I can guarantee that there are videos out there to suit all whether that’s woodland birds, different pets or even more unusual choices like sealions, squirrels, polar bears or hedgehogs.

Dig out your photograph albums

Looking back at old photographs (and/or journals if you do memory keeping like I do) is a great way to bring to mind happy memories of exciting life events, people in your life (past and present) and places you’ve been. And if you’re one of those people who rarely print your images off, why not flick through those on your phone and select some to add to an album later. Taking time on your own to quietly sit and view several years worth of photographs can be very therapeutic, as can sharing them with loved ones either in person or by contacting them via phone, WhatsApp, email or even letter (pretty paper optional!).

Practise gratitude

Grab a piece of paper or your journal and make a list of five small things you’re grateful for in your life right now. Research shows that a consistent gratitude practice has so many health and wellbeing benefits so give it a try starting today and see how it makes you feel. Check out this blog post to learn more.

Make a list of things you love about yourself

Whilst you’ve got a pen and paper to hand, here’s another positive exercise to try. Write a title ‘Things I love about myself’ at the top of the page and then make a list of your best qualities. This could include physical aspects such as your smile, your lovely, long locks, your clear skin and healthy looking nails, your character traits, e.g. kindness, good analytical skills, reliability, optimism and so on, and things you’re really good at like cooking, motivating yourself, helping others, solving problems etc. Once you written as much as you can right now, try displaying your list somewhere so you can refer to it when you need a mood boost, or add to it when something comes to mind.

Inhale an uplifting scent

If you know anything about aromatherapy, you’ll probably be aware that some scents are thought to be uplifting and mood boosting. I have a few little essential oil bottles which I got from the Body Shop in strawberry, raspberry and exotic which I love to inhale at any given opportunity. My scents of choice are fruity smells but below are a list of classic options which I collected from various websites via Google.

  • vanilla
  • peppermint
  • jasmine
  • citrus scents including orange, lemon and grapefruit
  • juicy fruits like peaches, pear and pineapple
  • relaxing scents like lavender, ylang, ylang and chamomile
  • spicy scents such as ginger, cinnamon and clove
  • fresh forest options such as pine and eucalyptus

Of course, it’s important to experiment and see which you prefer (and think about the mood you want to create such as uplifting or relaxing) but these should get you started with that. As you learn more about aromatherapy, you might like to try combining scents to create your perfect mood booster!

Final words…

I hope you’ve found today’s post beneficial and the ideas will motivate you to be pro-active next time you find yourself in a funk or stressed by particular events in your day. If I haven’t shared your favourite way to uplift your mood, or relax when tensions are high, feel free to add it in the comments as it may help someone else to manage their mood in the future along with my ideas.

Thanks for reading and I’ll be back with another wellbeing post very soon,

Posted in health, lifestyle, psychology, self care, wellbeing, wellness

Monday Matters: 9 signs you’re approaching burnout (and how to avoid it)

Posted on by Laura

When I was teaching, I would regularly feel completely wiped out physically and mentally, and, for the first days of any holiday, whether it was half term, Easter, Christmas or the summer break, I would end up either ill or sleeping most of the time as my body and my mind couldn’t take any more.

The other week, I was listening to a group of pharmacy students at the University as they discussed their workloads and lifestyle choices because of how much they had to do. It reminded me of that feeling of never having enough time and the pressure and stress that came with it. So, today, I thought I’d talk about the signs which suggest you may be heading towards burnout (or are already there), and, perhaps more importantly, what you can do about it before you reach that stage.

What is burnout?

Burnout can be defined as a state of physical, mental and emotional exhaustion which can result from long-term or repeated bouts of stress. This could include, but is not limited to, working in a stressful or high pressured job, doing an intense amount of studying (e.g. for a degree course or post graduate qualification, or having a particularly demanding life circumstance such as being a single parent, caring for a loved one (such as a young person with special needs or an aging relative), having financial difficulties or worries related to job security, being involved in a house move, divorce or separation or trying to juggle too many responsibilities at once.

What are the main signs of burnout?

The signs of burnout differ depending on the individual but common signs to look out for include:

  • fatigue – constantly feeling tired, drained or exhausted
  • sleep issues e.g. insomnia, panicked night time waking, regularly getting less than 6 hours a night etc
  • frequent feelings of cynicism, anger, irritability and a pessimistic life outlook in general
  • poor immunity – resulting in regularly feeling under the weather or having frequent coughs, colds, sore throats etc
  • gastro-intestinal issues such as IBS, stomach upsets, sickness and diarrhea or unexplained abdominal pains
  • recurring headaches
  • poor concentration levels which may result in reduced efficacy or success at work, making careless mistakes, being easily distracted, struggling to maintain attention, trouble thinking clearly or making decisions, forgetfulness and poor working memory.
  • depressed mood which may cause tearfulness, sadness, feelings of emptiness, loss of interest or pleasure in things you once enjoyed, feeling worthless, suicidal ideation, a sense of isolation and inability to relate to others
  • feelings of anxiety such as restlessness, agitation, irritability, having a sense of dread or fearing the worst

How can I prevent burnout?

Educate yourself Learn about your current stresses and your coping strategies using ‘the stress bucket model’ that I discovered on Mental Health UK. You can download your own to fill in here. Make a list of helpful activities (known as taps in the example) and plan to do some of them each day to help you destress and unwind.

Prioritise self care You might not be able to remove the sources of stress you are dealing with right now, but you can make sure that self care becomes a non-negotiable part of each day. Try writing two lists – everyday (basic) self care that keeps you functioning each day e.g. keeping yourself hydrated, eating regular and nutritious meals, getting some exercise and taking regular work breaks, and ‘me time’ self care activities you find calming or relaxing e.g. having a walk in nature, quiet reading, taking a bubble bath, having some time away from your phone and social media, listening to music with your eyes closed, doing a mini meditation etc.

Learn to say no If you feel like you’re taking on too much to cope with, could it be that you are agreeing to requests or feeling obligated to doing things that are further adding to your stress? Although easier said than done, learning to say no can really help you to prioritise what matters to you or what you consider is absolutely essential for your health and wellbeing.

Accept that perfection is unachievable Perfectionism and the impossibly high standards that go with this trait can become overwhelming and will almost certainly lead to burnout. To manage this, take time to think about your current situation realistically and try to think positively about how well you are doing under the circumstances. Mantras such as ‘I can only do my best’, ‘done is better than perfect’, ‘nobody is perfect’ and ‘I don’t have to do things perfectly’ can help if said regularly.

Show some self-compassion If a friend was having to juggle all the commitments and responsibilities you’re currently facing, what would you say to make them feel better? A helpful exercise I learned in one my compassion group sessions is to write a letter offering sympathy, advice and support and post it to yourself or read it regularly. It might feel a little strange writing at first but it can really help.

Take a break from your devices After a particular busy or stressful day, you might be inclined to sit (or lie) on the sofa and mindlessly scroll through your phone or tablet. This might seem like a good way to relax at the time, but studies show that being addicted to our digital devices has a seriously negative impact on our mental and physical health, not to mention our productivity levels. Rather than constantly reaching for your phone, why not try a screen free hobby, for example, doing a mindful craft such as painting, drawing, sewing or knitting, doing puzzles such as jigsaws, crosswords, wordsearches or Sudoku which stretch your brain and help you relax at the same time or losing yourself in a good book or your favourite magazine.

Get organised Use your planner or calendar to map out your day and manage your schedule. Being organised can help you feel more in control and can also be a useful tool for identifying and planning for your priorities.

Practise mindfulness and meditation Mindfulness is a technique that involves paying attention to the current moment with non-judgmental awareness of our thoughts and feelings. Click here to read about five simple ways of incorporating mindfulness into you daily routine. Meditation, which is a key aspect of mindfulness practice, has been shown to combat potential burnout by lowering stress and anxiety levels, helping us to build resilience and coping skills, improving self- awareness and self-esteem, cultivating positive thoughts and emotions and boosting our ability to focus and concentrate on tasks. For ideas on how to get started, you might like to read this blog post which has beginner friendly suggestions and tips.

Reach out to others Sometimes, when struggling to cope with everything life is throwing at us, we start to believe we’re the only one who’s finding things difficult. Our thoughts and feelings can then lead us to withdraw from loved ones or isolate ourselves from others. However, this is the time when seeking out your support network can be most useful. Positive social interaction such as meeting a friend for coffee, taking a full lunch break with work colleagues or fellow students, or doing something fun with family members can help in a range of different ways such as providing a listening ear, support, sympathy and useful advice, taking your mind off your sources of stress or giving you the chance to do something enjoyable or relaxing.

Take steps to manage your sleep routine High stress levels can have a profoundly negative effect on your sleep. It’s really important to take steps to develop a relaxing evening routine which sets you up for a good night’s sleep. This wonderful article discusses the relationship between sleep and burnout and includes lots of useful tips for your day, evening and bedtime routine.

Final words…

For many of us, avoiding burnout isn’t easy and there are commitments in our busy lives which we can’t avoid or say no to. However, actively taking steps to combat the daily stresses in our lives by using some or all of the coping strategies above can really help. I think filling in the stress bucket would be a good first step in boosting self- awareness prior to making small lifestyle changes with a view to preventing burnout and generally improving health and wellbeing in the future. Let me know in the comments if you try out some of the ideas above and you find them beneficial.

Posted in psychology, relationships

Monday Matters: Seven ways to bring more romance into your relationship

Posted on by Laura
Photo from Canva Pro

At the start of a relationship, we’re usually very keen to show how much we care for or love our partner. However, sometimes, as the years go by, we can take each other for granted and romance and affection can become less prevalent. Today, I’m sharing seven ways to keep the romance alive in your relationship however long you’ve been together.

Make time for your partner

Back when you started dating, you would arrange to see each other, carving out time in your diary and getting together as frequently as you could, whilst your relationship bloomed. As you make the commitment to live together or get married, have children (or a pet like my husband and I) setting aside time for one another is still just as important if your relationship is to stay strong. Some couples, especially those with kids, arrange date nights so that they can have a quiet evening with just the two of them together. This helps them to reconnect, communicate freely without interruption and have some fun.

Personally, my husband and I can enjoy hamster free time as we wish and regularly go out on a weekend to places of interest such as nature reserves, local woodland and forests for walks or to cities for shopping, coffee and cake or lunches in vegetarian or vegan cafes. We also often go out for a meal and occasionally for a few cocktails, to the cinema to watch a film or to the theatre in the evening for further quality time together.

Try new things together

Sharing new experiences together can help you feel a closer bond to your partner. This might include starting a new hobby, attending a class, or doing something that has been on your (real or virtual) bucket list for a while.

As part of my Autumn bucket list this year, I decided I would like for us to visit a pumpkin patch at a farm we pass on our way to Hexham. My husband booked us tickets which cost a few pounds each and the plan was to go there for 11am and then continue on to Hexham to have lunch in one of our favourite veggie cafes, do a little bit of shopping and then have a walk in the country park there. I took my DSLR with me and took lots of photographs at the farm of the various pumpkins and squashes, plus some snaps of the decor. We also had a little look in the shop and visited the tea rooms to check out what was available to eat should we wish to go there again.

We spent just over an hour at Brockbushes and it was so much fun wandering around the muddy fields and choosing a few squashes to buy to take home. It was lovely seeing lots of young and older children picking their own pumpkins and filling their little wheelbarrows. We both took plenty of photos of the scenery and each other and I intend to do some journalling about the experience to go in one of my traveller’s notebooks to spark memories of how much we enjoyed ourselves. I also got a couple of bits of autumnal home decor from the shop which are now on display in a couple of houseplant pots. Again, these will serve as a reminder of our time at the pumpkin patch.

Give small gifts and surprise them

Obviously, I’m not talking vastly expensive little gifts that leave you out of pocket for this one. Just small tokens of appreciation which you know they will love. For example, last month, I made my husband a personalised mug. The mug itself was 60p from ASDA and the vinyl for the message was a few £s but I spent ages in Cricut Design Space choosing fonts, making the decals the correct size and thinking about which colour vinyl he would like best. Surprises could include bringing them breakfast in bed, leaving a love note for them to find, bring home or cook a meal for them.

Photo credit: Laura Jones for Keeping It Creative

Show your appreciation with compliments

Who doesn’t secretly love compliments and crave words of encouragement that they’re doing okay as a husband/wife/partner? Try to cultivate the habit of saying nice things to your partner each day which affirm your love, show your appreciation and demonstrate that their efforts haven’t gone un-noticed. For example, you might tell them that an item of clothing really suits them, that their hair is looking good, you love their sense of humour or that their ability to make you feel calmer during periods of stress or anxiety is so helpful. Or, you might thank them for doing a particularly mundane household task that has been on your to-do list for a while. You don’t have to shower them with compliments all the time, else they might think you’re after something ha ha! but just a couple of niceties each morning or evening will certainly make a difference.

Listen attentively

During a conversation or when they are talking about their day, remember to give them your full attention, maintain eye contact and make relevant comments to show you are listening carefully. Even if you’re tired, or the topic of conversation doesn’t particularly interest you, show you care by really tuning in.

This can also be applied if you go out together somewhere for the day, for coffee, lunch or dinner . Try to resist the temptation to check your phone or show more interest in what other people are doing, whilst half heartedly listening as there’s nothing worse than feeling like your partner is distracted or not enjoying your company.

Show physical affection

Physical affection shouldn’t be limited to the bedroom. Hold hands when you’re out and about, snuggle up together whilst you watch TV, kiss them when they or you get home and when either of you leave in the morning, share hugs regularly to demonstrate your romantic feelings for them. Again, this is probably something you did all the time when you first got together but often, over the years, can dwindle or stop.

Know your partner’s love language

The idea of love languages was first identified in a book by Gary Chapman, a marriage counsellor, back in 1990, who identified five ways that romantic partners can express and experience love. Knowing you and your partner’s preferences can be super useful as it can help you demonstrate your love in a way that they will really appreciate and vice versa. The 5 love languages are:

  • Words of affirmation
  • Quality time
  • Physical touch
  • Acts of service
  • Receiving gifts

I’m sure you can see how these relate to the tips above, but this article goes into more depth on finding your language, and that of your partner, and gives some wonderful examples of ways in which you can show how much you care for them. Incidentally, love languages can also be applied to platonic relationships too as you will see in the webpage.

Final words…

Whether you want to up the romance in your relationship, or want to check you’re doing everything you can to show your partner you love them with all of your heart, I hope you’ve found today’s blog post an informative and useful read. Let me know in the comments what your love language is (or if you sway towards several of them) and if you share the same as your partner or if theirs is different.

Posted in lifestyle, Planning and journaling, psychology, wellbeing

Monday Matters: 9 benefits of practising gratitude and how to get started today

Posted on by Laura

Last year, I wrote a couple of blog posts about gratitude. One was about how I was practising gratitude despite the situation with COVID-19 and the local lockdowns that were being enforced, and the other presented a few ways in which you could start to practice being grateful. Today, I want to dive a little deeper into the core benefits of a daily gratitude practice and share ideas on ways you can get started with a view to make it part of your routine.

What is gratitude?

Gratitude is about being aware of and thankful for all of the positive things and situations in your life and their impact on you. It’s about regularly taking a moment to reflect on and appreciate what you have, even during particularly challenging times.

Finding gratitude is a skill that anyone can develop and there are so many benefits of a daily practice. Read on and you’ll see exactly why I’ve made it a habit and part of my nightly routine.

9 Benefits of practising gratitude

Makes us feel happier Gratitude encourages us to focus on the positives in our life, helping to reduce negative emotions such as anger, resentment and regret. It can also minimise feelings associated with depression such as sadness, worthlessness, self-hate and guilt.

Reduces stress High levels of stress can leave us feeling extremely tense, anxious, restless and overwhelmed. Luckily, cultivating feelings of gratitude is the perfect antidote. According to research, being more grateful lowers the stress hormone (cortisol) in our body, making us feel much calmer. It can also minimise negative self-talk which can help you to feel confident in dealing with everything life throws at you.

Improves our self-esteem One of the main things that ruins our self-esteem as adults is comparing ourselves with others in an unfavourable way. Instead of engaging in this destructive behaviour, try focusing on gratitude instead. Boost your self worth by thinking of all of your strengths and their impact on your day. Rather than feeling envious of or resentful towards others, try complementing them on their skills and be grateful for how they help you in your life.

Better sleep Finding time each evening to pause and reflect on what you’re grateful for helps you to end the day on a calm and more positive note. This can help you to wind down before bed and has been shown to improve sleep quality and quantity. If you’re really struggling with your sleep, I recommend doing some reflective journalling (see point number 1 of this post) before spending time filling in your gratitude log.

Improved physical health Those who practise gratitude have been shown to exercise more regularly and have medical check-ups more often. When we reflect on what we’re grateful for, we’re likely to show more appreciation towards good physical health and this can prompt us to take better care of ourselves.

Increases resilience We might have lots going on right now which is making life super tough for us, but practising gratitude can help us see the bigger picture, appreciating that we still have lots to be thankful for and assuring us that we have the ability to cope with what’s going on and get through it, coming out stronger on the other side.

Improves our romantic relationships Gratitude plays a key role in strengthening our loving relationships. By actively pay attention to the positive things that our partner does, we learn to appreciate them more, show our gratitude and give them thanks. Expressing your thankfulness is likely to motivate them to do more things to show they love and care about you. Also, when you feel gratitude towards your partner, the chance of you behaving in a positive, kind and caring way back is greatly increased.

Reduces materialism There’s strong evidence that being materialistic i.e. being overly concerned with material things rather than spiritual, intellectual and cultural values leaves a person feeling depressed and dissatisfied with life. Learning to be grateful for what you have reduces these feelings and increases happiness and life satisfaction.

Increases optimism Developing a daily gratitude practice can help you to become a more optimistic person by encouraging you to focus on what’s going right rather than dwelling on negative aspects of your life. If we perceive our current life to be good, we’ll start to believe that this will continue in the future.

My top tips for getting started

With this many benefits, you’ll probably want to get started straight away so here’s a mini guide to help you begin:

Keep it simple It’s best not to develop some elaborate routine that will become too onerous and make you feel like finding gratitude is a complete chore and one which you can’t keep up with. When I first started I made a simple ‘two line a day’ spread in my bullet journal and decided to come up with two or three things each day. This takes me less than 10 minutes each evening and things often pop into my head during the day which I want to add (a benefit of the practice being ingrained).

Choose your method of recording Think about what style of journal appeals to you most – would you prefer writing in your notebook or BuJo or are you happier writing notes on your phone using a dedicated app? I use my bullet journal but I have looked into a couple of apps for research, Gratitude App provides daily prompts and also challenges which run for between one and three weeks. Examples of prompts are ‘Why did you start gratitude journalling? Express gratitude to yourself for taking this step’ and ‘Express gratitude for the new beginnings life gives you’. This is good if you need a little help on the ideas front. The other app is Presently, which is a lot more simple and just gives you space to free write what you’re grateful for each day. Both apps offer alarm prompts as reminders to write.

Make it a habit I’ve written before about ways to cement habits but in brief, you need to start with a cue or trigger which reminds you to do your daily practice e.g. a time, such as 8pm (for which you can set an alarm) or before/after another habit such as when you’ve emptied the dishwasher, after dinner or before you settle down to watch TV. Then, you need to focus on the benefits you receive from the habit, so, for example, you might re-read this list, or, when you get established, you might reflect on how you feel as a result of practising e.g. calmer, happier or sleeping better.

Add a little variety Try to find different things to be grateful for each day and make sure you are really specific so you can see the impact of things in your life e.g. the sunshine because it dried my washing nicely, my ability to persevere with an arduous task until I got it finished, the reassuring words my friend said to give me the strength confidence to get through a difficult time etc.

Share your gratitude with your family and friends If I write about something my husband said or did which I’m grateful for, I tell him. This helps him to know that I don’t take him for granted and that I really do appreciate him. The same can be applied to other family members and friends.

Final words…

As you start to practise gratitude, remember it takes time and effort to make it a habit. Each evening, I like to read through all of the things I’ve listed so far that month as a positive reminder of all of the great things and experiences my life brings. And, I make sure that I express gratitude for the fact that I’ve kept going with my daily routine, even during tough times or when lack of motivation kicks in. Of course there have been a couple of days when I’ve been super busy and a change of routine has meant that my ‘two lines a day’ didn’t get filled in, but I’ve just accepted it and reflected on why it happened so that I can put in place strategies to ensure that not completing my gratitude practice doesn’t become a habit instead.