Monday Matters – Self soothing activities for emotional regulation

Today marks the beginning of my new ‘Monday Matters’ feature in which I will present different ideas on how to live a happy life and increase your general wellbeing. My first post is on managing your emotions using self soothing activities and features lots of ideas for self care and relaxation.

Recent research by Professor Paul Gilbert, a psychologist who developed Compassion Focused Therapy argues that we have three emotional regulation systems in our brain, namely:

• The threat system – for detecting danger, based on emotions of anxiety, anger or disgust.
• The drive system – enabling us to have the motivation to do, achieve and acquire, sparking excitement.
• The soothing system – helping us to manage stress, creating feelings of contentment, safety, trust and connection to others.

All three of these systems are important, but issues can arise when one system dominates. If threat presides, we end up feeling constantly anxious and worried. If we spend too much time in drive mode, we can become obsessed with being better and having more and this can lead to stress, perfectionism, burn out and depression. However, If we were always in soothing mode, we would never get anything done!

Many of us find that we have very active threat and drive systems but rarely use our soothing system. By investing time on activities which sooth us, we can greatly improve our wellbeing. Of course, what is considered to be soothing, depends on the individual but here’s a list I’ve collated to give you some ideas.

• Wrap yourself up in a cosy blanket to enjoy your favourite warm drink
• Light some scented candles or burn some oils and turn down the dimmer switch
• Go to the park for a gentle stroll and feed the ducks
• In hot weather, enjoy an ice cream, in colder weather, make some warming soup
• Look at photographs from a happy event e.g. a holiday, your wedding, a celebration day.
• Spend some time in nature e.g. woodland or a forest and look for signs of the current season, or do some ‘forest bathing’ (to find out more about this stress busting pastime click here. Of course you don’t need to book a holiday to try this technique out but you do need somewhere dry to lie and soak up the atmosphere).
• Flick through your favourite magazine (I love Breathe magazine which is all about making time for yourself).
• Set aside some creative time to enjoy your favourite craft such as sewing, card making or collage
• Watch something funny, such as a romantic comedy or your favourite sitcom.
• Run a warm bath and add bubbles or a bath bomb (I love the ones from Lush as they change the colour of the water and smell delicious)
• Play some upbeat music and have a sing song and a dance
• Go out in the warm sun and feel the heat on your face
• Play with a pet (I love having snuggles with my hamster Kikki, when she lets me!)
• Read some inspirational quotes or some positive affirmations (I like to write these in my BuJo)
• Engage in rhythmic activities such as doing a jigsaw, colouring on or painting
• Take your phone or camera out on a nature walk and take lots of pretty pictures of your surroundings
• Lie on the grass and watch the clouds float by
• Get yourself a drink and savour the temperature and flavour
• Go bird or squirrel spotting in your local park
• Enjoy a massage

I hope my post has given you some ideas to try. If you could spend 10 minutes, half an hour, a morning or afternoon doing something just for yourself, what would you choose?