Monday Matters: A beginners guide to ‘pebbling’ to strengthen your relationships

Up until an hour ago (well as I write this anyway), I had never even heard of the term ‘pebbling’, which, according to an online article, is a very commonly used social media hashtag and a popular practice among us all (I must live under a rock which has no WiFi!). Despite this, as I perused the online article, I realised that I’ve engaged in pebbling with colleagues, friends, family and my husband many times, without knowing there was an actual name for it. If you’re unfamiliar with pebbling or the associated hashtag which is (apparently) currently flooding TikTok along with other social media platforms, or if you’d like to know more, I encourage you to read on…

The word pebbling was, in fact, originally used to described a romantic gesture that has been happening for decades, amongst gentoo penguins. During the breeding season, as part of their courtship ritual, male penguins carefully select and present a perfectly shiny and beautiful pebble to their prospective mate as a sign of their worthiness as a love interest and suitability to lifetime commitment (gentoos are usually monogamous). If the female is impressed by the aforementioned, she will place the gifted item as the foundation stone of her nest. Then, in return, she will present her own carefully chosen, smooth and highly polished specimen to her mate as a form of non-verbal communication.

Now, I’m not about to suggest that you head off to the beach in a bid to find your own perfect little stone to woo potential partners with, but you can certainly apply the principles of pebbling by offering a small, inexpensive (or free) gift to demonstrate your feelings towards someone or to simply show them that you care, whether that’s as a family member, a friend, a colleague or as evidence that you like or admire them. I’ve written before on my blog about love languages with one of them being focused on receiving gifts, but, to be honest, I can’t think of anyone who wouldn’t appreciate a little, thoughtful something-or-other from someone else (as long as they consent to it or it would be considered a nice surprise anyway!).

The thing with the gentoo penguins and their pebble giving is that there’s no financial cost, and the emphasis is wholly on spending quality time carefully selecting something that they feel that the recipient would really appreciate. And this act of ‘pebbling’ can be applied to human gift giving as well – including the non-verbal element if you so wish. Think inexpensive or free items that will bring a little spark of joy to both the giver and the receiver, and you can’t go wrong.

So, what kind of things could you give as a token gift?

What you choose will completely depend on your chosen recipient but, here’s some ideas for you to consider:

• A virtual gift with a ‘saw this and thought of you’ message attached e.g. their favourite pet or animal doing something amusing, a meme that just says it all or says it better than you possibly could (pebbling is very popular with neuro-divergent individuals who may struggle to say something heartfelt or thoughtful in words).
• A link to an article you’ve read online (or a newspaper / magazine cutting) that you think would interest them or is on a topic which you think they would love to learn more about.
• Some flowers picked from your garden which you think would cheer them up or make their day.
• A photograph of you and a friend that you found from a while back as you were scrolling through your Google albums on your phone. This could be forwarded somehow, shared on social media e.g. their ‘wall’ on Facebook or printed and delivered in some way.
• A pretty greetings card in which you let the person know that you are thinking about them or really appreciate them
• Something to represent an ‘inside joke’ that you reckon would bring a smile or make someone giggle
• A multipack of chocolate or sweets that you share with a couple of your closest colleagues.
• Pass on a book (or a personal recommendation of one) that you’ve read and think they would enjoy too.
• Pop out to your local bakery on a Sunday morning to get pastries for a leisurely breakfast with your partner, flat mate or kids
• Buy a subject specific magazine for your significant other e.g. computing, gardening, crafting, wildlife etc
• Pick up a little personalised item for them e.g. pen, pencil, keyring etc e.g. from a garden centre or gift shop (or, if you have a Cricut machine, add their name to an inexpensive plain or patterned notebook)
• Bake some biscuits or cupcakes and bring them to the office to share with your colleagues (sometimes the recipient might be more than one person)
• Buy a small box of individually wrapped chocolates (e.g. Cadburys Heroes, Celebrations, Roses or Quality Street) and let everyone you work closely with choose their favourite to enjoy with a coffee at breaktime.
• Visit your local pet store to find a treat for your pet or pets – who says that penguins should be the only non-human animal to perform loving acts! Or, if you don’t have your own pet, why not pick up a treat to give to someone you like who does have their own cherished animal (thanks to my husband’s ex work colleague who provided the inspiration for this one – Aggie the hamster was very grateful for the cupcake shaped biscuits!)

Final words…

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading today’s post and it’s given you a good overview of the origins of ‘pebbling’ and examples of different small gifts you can give to show affection or care. I’m sure most of us have engaged in the act pebbling many times in the past and I would love to hear some of your favourites in the comments.

Happy pebbling!