grief – Keeping it creative

Welcome to my first blog post of 2025. Happy New Year to you all, and a special hello to my new followers! I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and are excited for what this year will bring.

My husband and I both enjoyed the festive period, which this year (make that last year!) was a double celebration as my brother and his partner got married a few days after Santa had been. The wedding was a joyous occasion and a great a chance to chat with family I hadn’t seen in a while too.

Whilst on the way back home, and with my husband doing the driving, I made the most of being in the passenger seat by reflecting on 2024 and thinking about what I would like to achieve in 2025. I also started to mentally compose a to-do list full of chores and more pleasurable activities to make the most of the remaining three days of the holiday. Little did I know that something would scupper my plans…

Bloody COVID-19 strikes again!

By the time we got back, we both had a bit of a sore throat, which I assumed was just a bit of dehydration from the long car journey. By New Year’s Eve, we felt absolutely dreadful, and so my husband did a test (just in case), and I’m sure you can all guess how that turned out! Needless to say, we’ve barely had the energy for basic self care, nevermind any chores, fun activities or creative pursuits.

We did, however, manage to psych ourselves up enough to take a quick shower each day, despite how exhausted we were and, despite the fact that the powerful water raining down and massaging in my shampoo and conditioner brought actual pain to my scalp! – random covid symptom or what?????? And I’m so glad we did because this idea for a blog post was born – in fact, some of my best content and general epiphanies come to me whilst showering (anyone else??).

Basically, I was busy thinking about how annoying it was that I was too exhausted to do anything and that being ill was a giant waste of time, and then I recalled that during my worst bipolar depressions, I still achieved a few things each day and tried my best to be kind to myself and celebrate small wins. To help me do this, I created something that I call a ‘done list’ and, although my illness was physical rather than mental on this occasion, I realised the same technique could be used to make myself feel better.

As everyone goes through ups and downs in life, I thought I’d share how my done list works. You might not need to apply the technique now, but it’s a lovely, self compassionate activity which you can store in your physical or metaphorical toolbox to use when needed such as when you’re sick or struggling with low mood. It can also be used when you’re not feeling under the weather, as a celebration of how productive you’ve been in general or as you work towards your goals for the week / month / year and so on.

In fact, as I sat on the sofa (on day 3 of COVID-19), soothing my throat with a warm drink, I actually started mentally creating one to help my husband and I feel a sense of achievement because I realised we actually did something that day despite feeling like crap.

So what’s a done list?

A done list, as the name suggests, is basically a list of things you’ve achieved that hour / day / week / fortnight / month / different time frame of your choosing, which can be tailored to how you’re feeling – both physically and mentally. So, for example, your list could look something like this:

Today’s done list

got out of bed (before 10am too!)
got dressed
brushed my teeth and washed my face
planned 3 things to do
made and ate a sandwich (even though I didn’t feel hungry)
worked on my jigsaw
watched TV for 1 hour (and managed to follow the storyline of the drama)

Or, if you’re not feeling too bad (in a bit more pain than usual, or a little tired maybe and not 100%), could include more taxing items such as those found in the list below:

Things I’ve done this week

washed the car
tidied my craft room
decluttered 20 items from craft room!
made 3 meals from scratch
5 gentle workouts (2 x 20 mins yoga and 3 x 30 mins Pilates)
created a journalling page using my crafting stash

As you can see from the above, you can include super-minute achievements (or what would considered to be when well) or more ambitious ‘done’ items at other times. These ‘done’ tasks make a good record of how you’ve spent your time and can help you realise that, yes, you might be on top form, but you did make some progress or make a dent in your mental to do list (or physical one if you wrote a list when feeling productive and then things changed e.g. illness, upsetting life event, overwhelm etc).

If you’re still at work, but it’s been a struggle not to phone in sick, you could even include things that you achieved as part of your job, like biting your tongue at a comment made by a colleague or being assertive and saying no to your boss or team leader!

What are the main benefits of creating a ‘done list’?

These are the main benefits I’ve found of creating a done list, but you may be able to come up with more:

a visual reminder of what you’ve achieved in the chosen timeframe – the smaller the items are, the longer your list can be!
boosts your motivation to do more things (be careful not to do too much though as the last thing you want to do is make yourself feel worse)
acknowledges your small wins during difficult times

Final words…

I apologise if this is not new content and I’ve already written about a ‘done list’ before – I did trail through my posts in a bid to find out, and couldn’t pinpoint anything but I still have ‘COVID brain’. Hopefully I’ve shared something helpful which has given you a new string to your ‘wellbeing bow’, particularly if you have recurrent issues with your physical or mental health like I do. Doing a ‘done list’ can also be a great record of what you’ve achieved over a period of time, so can be a really useful tool for measuring productivity too. However you use it, I’m pretty sure it’ll make you feel a little more upbeat about things and your lists may even bring a smile to your face at a later date if you keep them in your planner and happen to flip back!

Thank you for reading and I wish you and your loved ones a happy and healthy 2025,

This morning, I’ve been doing a little bit of work on my general blog pages (about me page, FAQs etc.) to check that they’re up to date. When reading my bio on my home page, I noticed that it said that I share my home with my husband and my little hamster Millie. Unfortunately, hamsters only live for up to one to two years of age and she passed away several months ago now. Both of us were upset at our loss and it was sad to see her decline over the last few weeks of her life. To us, she was not just ‘our hamster’, she was a much loved member of the family, and her funny antics and personality provided us with so much joy. Today, I want to share some tips for coping with pet loss, because, whether your pet was small or large, they’re sure to have left a big hole in your life and much sadness. I also want to discuss some ways in which you can support family members or friends who have experienced a recent loss.

Tips for coping when your pet dies

Accept your emotions, feelings and thoughts without judgement

Following your loss, all kinds of strong emotions and feelings may come up. For example, at different times, you might experience sadness, anxiety, disbelief, shock, anger, guilt and regret. You could also find that your thoughts are completely preoccupied with your loss, leaving you unable to think of anything else. Whatever you experience, try to simply be aware of the different emotions, feelings and thoughts as they come and go, accepting them as a normal part of the grieving process. Remember, as well, to be compassionate and kind to yourself in a way that you would be towards a loved one who was experiencing such as loss.

Surround yourself with supportive friends and family

As you come to terms with your loss, it’s good to seek out friends and family members who you know will be supportive, rather than diminishing how you are feeling. This could include someone who has lost a pet in the past or has a cherished pet (or pets) of their own. You might also turn to individuals who are good listeners and often have the ability to make you feel better with their words or gestures.

On the other hand, some people will struggle to understand your intense feelings of sadness and may not offer the empathy you need or could even seem dismissive of the situation. Rather than getting angry, frustrated or upset with them, try to accept that they just don’t get it, brush them off, and find others, possibly outside of your social circle, who do recognise your suffering.

Embrace your memories

Talk and think about fond memories of your pet with family members and understanding friends. Look back over photographs and videos of fun times and reminisce over your own and shared experiences. And if difficult emotions arise, just accept them and know that it’s okay to be upset.

We have a cute video of Millie playing in her digging tower where we are waiting in anticipation of her emerging out of the bottom covered in wood-shavings. We never tire of watching her appear, and the video even has audio of me encouraging her to dig her way out! We also have photos of many of our hamsters when they were little babies and some moments where they’re enjoying a snack or exploring. Most of them are a little on the blurry side as they very rarely stay still but they’re still lovely reminders of our furry friends throughout the years and we have treasured memories of each and every one of them.

Try seeking out online or in person support

There are a range of support groups available online and this includes websites specifically dedicated to pet loss such as the Blue Cross organisation which has a Facebook community and trained volunteers you can speak with. You can also seek the help of a therapist who can offer counselling and coping strategies.

I’ve been a part of the ‘hamsters’ group on Facebook for many years now. It has over 6K members and there’s always someone on there to offer a kind word following the loss of your furry friend or when you need some emotional support regarding difficult decisions with regard to ailing hamsters.

Practice self-care as you mourn your loss

Although it might be difficult, try to look after yourself as best you can during your period of mourning. This can include eating a balanced diet, getting some exercise each day, trying to ensure you get a good night’s sleep, keeping up with basic hygiene and even pampering yourself a little such as with a massage, manicure, bubble bath or a new haircut.

Try journalling

Journalling about your pet and your loss can be a great way to explore how you are feeling and is also a lovely way to help you remember how unique and special they were. You could do some free writing to explore your thoughts but, if you’re unsure what to write, this website has some great journalling prompts to choose from.

Don’t rush to replace your pet

Although it might be tempting to get another pet straight away, it is usually better to mourn your old pet first and wait until you are emotionally ready to welcome a new animal into your home. There’s no right time to get a new pet, but experts suggest that you should wait until you have worked through your grief adequately enough to be able to look forward to a new addition rather than still be in the process of deeply mourning your loss.

Ways to support someone who has recently lost their pet

Send a sorry for your loss card to let them know that you care and are thinking about them.
Be a good listener when they talk about their feelings, emotions and ways in which their loss is affecting them. Think about supportive things you might say in reply – maybe that you were sorry to hear about x, or that your here for them if they want to talk. Also, knowing what not to say is just as important. Phrases such as ‘he was old anyway’, ‘she’s in a better place now’ or ‘you can get another one’ might be well meaning but they’re also dismissive at the same time.
Let them know that it’s normal to be upset and it is okay to cry, feel sad or even become lonely or a little depressed. It’s important to allow time to grieve and heal – and it takes as long as it takes.
Remind them to be self-compassionate and encourage them to look after their basic needs. You could also offer support with this such as getting some shopping in for them, making a nutritious meal to take around or doing some errands. Ask them if there’s anything you can do and make suggestions so that they know that the offer off help isn’t just something to say.
Check in with them regularly after your initial conversation. Text or phone them to ask them how they are getting on and if they need anything.
Help them to seek out further support by looking into dedicated websites for pet loss or by finding leaflets or books on the topic. Some resources are specifically aimed at particular pet owners, for example The Kennel Club offers advice on coping with losing your dog.

Final words…

If you have found and are reading today’s blog post because your pet has recently died, I am so very sorry for your loss. Losing a beloved pet can be a very difficult time as they are very much a part of the family. I hope you find the above suggestions useful and they help you to cope with your grief. Remember that, if needed, there are therapists available who are trained to support people through any type of grief, including pet loss, and they will help you talk through your feelings, normalise your emotions and any difficulties you are experiencing and offer coping strategies.

Category: grief

Monday Matters: How writing a ‘done list’ can improve your wellbeing during periods of physical and/or mental illness

Monday Matters: Tips for coping with pet loss and how to support others through their grief